How to Support Your Partner During Labor and After Giving Birth
Becoming a father is an incredible and life-changing experience, but it can also be overwhelming—especially when your partner goes into labor. As a soon-to-be dad, one of your most important roles is to be a calm, supportive, and loving presence for your partner during this challenging yet beautiful time. Understanding how to behave during labor and what to do after birth can make all the difference in ensuring a positive experience for both of you.
Don’t go unprepared, here’s a survival guide for how to support your partner during labor, what to do (and what not to do), and how to handle the days after birth like a pro.
1. How to Support Your Partner During Labor: Do’s and Don’ts
Labor is intense, and emotions can run high, so it’s essential to stay calm and supportive throughout the process. Here are some tips for being the best partner during labor.
Do’s:
- Be Present and Attentive:
- Your partner will need you more than ever during labor, so give her your full attention. Hold her hand, offer gentle reassurance, and listen to her needs without judgment. Don’t be distracted by your phone or the outside world.
- Tip: “I remember being so nervous, but just holding her hand and being there for her made her feel safe and supported.” — Mark, dad of two.
- Encourage Her:
- Words of encouragement can go a long way. Remind her how strong she is, and tell her how proud you are. She’s doing the hardest work of her life, and positive affirmations can help her feel more empowered.
- Tip: “I kept telling my wife, ‘You’re doing amazing, keep going, we’re almost there!’ It really helped her focus on her strength.” — James, first-time dad.
- Help With Breathing and Relaxation:
- Breathing exercises can help during contractions, so encourage your partner to breathe slowly and deeply. You can guide her through this process by breathing together. Stay calm—your energy will influence hers.
- Tip: Practice breathing together before labor so you’re both on the same page.
- Help Her Stay Comfortable:
- Offer her a cool cloth for her forehead, rub her back, or adjust her position to help ease the pain. Ask the nurses for a birthing ball or other tools to help with her comfort. Every woman is different, so be ready to try different things.
- Tip: “When she was having intense contractions, I just whispered, ‘You’re doing great,’ and helped her with position changes—it really made a difference.” — Ethan, dad of one.
- Advocate for Her:
- Speak up if necessary. You know her preferences, and it’s essential to make sure the medical team respects them. If something isn’t going as planned or she’s feeling uncomfortable with a procedure, advocate for her and ask questions on her behalf.
Don’ts:
- Don’t Panic or Get Frustrated:
- Labor is long, hard, and unpredictable, but it’s essential to stay calm. Your partner may be emotional, anxious, or even upset at times. If you start to panic or get frustrated, it can add to her stress. Take a deep breath, stay calm, and focus on being her anchor.
- Tip: “I stayed focused on staying calm, even when things got intense, and it helped keep the mood more manageable.” — Chris, dad of twins.
- Don’t Offer Unsolicited Advice:
- If you’re not a medical professional, don’t offer advice on how to manage pain or give suggestions about what to do during labor unless she asks. Labor can be unpredictable, and the best thing you can do is support her and follow her lead.
- Don’t Compare Her Experience to Anyone Else’s:
- Avoid saying things like, “My friend had a really quick labor,” or “This is taking longer than I expected.” Every labor is different, and comparing her experience to others can create unnecessary stress.
- Tip: Instead of comparison, focus on encouraging her through her journey.
- Don’t Ignore Her Needs:
- It’s easy to get caught up in what’s happening around you—especially if you’re feeling nervous or overwhelmed yourself. However, it’s crucial to stay tuned into your partner’s needs. Ask if she’s thirsty, needs a pillow, or if she wants to listen to music or talk to a loved one.
2. How to Support Your Partner After Giving Birth
Once your baby arrives, the real work begins—taking care of your partner as she begins to recover from childbirth. The early days postpartum are an emotional rollercoaster, and it’s important to be there for your partner in every way.
Do’s:
- Be Her Caregiver:
- In the first few hours and days after birth, your partner will need physical and emotional support. Help her with basic tasks like getting in and out of bed, using the restroom, and getting a shower. Be her rock as she recovers.
- Tip: “I made sure to always check in with her, offering help when she was in pain or feeling exhausted from labor.” — Alex, dad of three.
- Help with Baby Care:
- Don’t assume your partner will take on all the baby duties right away. Helping with diaper changes, feedings (if bottle-feeding), and soothing the baby can give your partner some much-needed rest. Taking turns is key.
- Tip: “I made sure to change diapers and handle nighttime feedings, so my wife could focus on recovering and resting.” — Sam, dad of a newborn.
- Encourage Postpartum Rest:
- Your partner will need time to rest and recover after childbirth, so make sure she has opportunities to nap and relax. If possible, let her sleep while you take care of the baby for a while.
- Tip: “She was so tired after giving birth, so I made sure to handle the baby for a few hours so she could get a good rest.” — David, first-time dad.
- Be Supportive of Her Emotions:
- Hormones after birth can lead to emotional ups and downs. Your partner might experience everything from joy to sadness, or even feel overwhelmed. Be patient, understanding, and a good listener. Validate her feelings and provide a safe space for her to express herself.
- Tip: “I knew it was normal for her to feel emotional after birth, so I just gave her the space to feel what she needed to feel.” — Matt, dad of one.
Don’ts:
- Don’t Underestimate the Postpartum Recovery:
- Physical recovery after childbirth can be tough, whether she had a vaginal birth or a C-section. Don’t minimize her experience by saying things like, “You’re fine, you just had a baby.” She may be dealing with physical discomfort, and acknowledging that can go a long way.
- Tip: “I always asked how she was feeling and made sure to acknowledge how tough the recovery was.” — John, dad of two.
- Don’t Make It About You:
- While it’s important to share your feelings about the birth experience, remember that your partner is the one who just went through labor and delivery. Be mindful of how much you talk about your own emotions and give her space to process hers.
- Tip: Focus on her experience and make her feel like the priority—ask her how she’s doing physically and emotionally.
- Don’t Assume She Wants to “Bounce Back” Immediately:
- The physical and emotional toll of childbirth can take time to recover from. Don’t pressure your partner to get back to “normal” or act like things are just as they were before pregnancy. Let her take it slow and on her own terms.
Conclusion: Be a Partner, Not Just a Spectator
The experience of becoming a parent isn’t just about witnessing the birth of your child—it’s about being an active and engaged partner in every step of the journey. By being calm, present, and supportive during labor and in the postpartum period, you’ll not only help your partner recover but also strengthen the bond between you both as parents.
Remember: there’s no perfect way to “do it all.” Your love, patience, and willingness to learn will guide both of you through this incredible chapter of your lives. You’ve got this!
